What is this feeling? || Shard!

Nothing put April in a better mood than a good fight, particularly a good sword fight, and that was exactly what she was going to get today. If anyone could give the newly-turned-fifteen year old a good fight, it would be Shard. They’d been training together for as long as she could remember, and April considered him one of her most worthy opponents; a hard status to earn from the blonde, but Shard had earned it nonetheless. So it was with a spring in her step that she made her way to the training center a bit earlier than they’d agreed to meet. The problem with fighting a worthy opponent was that April needed to make extra sure she was ready for battle, which meant a little extra warming up.

When she reached the training center, April set her sword safely in a corner and began to stretch, keeping an eye on the entrance for Shard to show up. Stretching was practically second nature to April, so the activity gave her time to think about her upcoming spar. The blonde tried to focus on all the things she’d picked up from Shard over the years. His weaknesses, the things he was good at, moves he liked to use a lot. It was a bit surprising to the fifteen year old to realize that she knew quite a lot of information about her friend, but she shrugged it off. Of course she should know a lot about him; they’d been training together for years, and April practically considered him a friend. Sort of. It was hard to be friends with a fellow Career, since the girls were competition for volunteering and the boys were potential opponents. But of all the Careers she’d been training with over the years, Shard was definitely April’s favorite. Whatever that meant.

Lately, though, things had begun to change between them, at least in April’s eyes. She couldn’t put a name to it, but things were just…weird, somehow. She couldn’t even really figure out how things were weird, but they just felt…different. And April wasn’t so sure that was a good thing. All she knew for sure, really, was that she couldn’t talk to Shard the same way she used to. For as long as she could remember, they’d always talked about how they were going to volunteer for the Games and become Victors, but lately that was something she didn’t want to think about anymore, at least when it came to Shard. The idea of Shard being in the Games made her somehow uncomfortable, which was completely ridiculous since they’d been training for them their whole lives! April figured that, with the reaping coming up, she was probably just getting a bit sentimental. Yep, that had to be it.

The more April’s thoughts drifted towards Shard, the more she found herself growing strangely…well, nervous. The feeling was completely alien to the girl; she’d fought against older Careers who were complete strangers with total confidence, so why should a fight with Shard, who she considered to be a pretty even match, make her feel any different? April didn’t like the feeling, so she stood up, grabbed her sword, and began doing a couple of exercises she’d been taught in training, stabbing at invisible opponents. The drills were enough to warm her up for her upcoming fight and distract her without tiring her out. And now Shard just needed to show up before April found herself challenging some random kid just for something to do.

Shard stretched out and managed, surprisingly, to roll out of bed. He had been sleeping in lately and frankly, didn't care. For the past month, he had been on the Games' train sleeping schedule. Go to bed late, wake up early, and take short naps during the day to keep strength level up. He was ready. This year... it was his turn. His games.

He was volunteering no matter what and oh, he could not wait.
Just staying there, training, waiting... it was aggravating. He wanted action. He needed action, it was who he was growing up to become.

He couldn't help but count down the days. District One was always the first reaping: 3 weeks, and 4 days till reaping. It was so close he could almost smell it. The hint of basil and - wait, no - that was definitely the dorm's Saturday lunch soup.
Lunch?
Oh crap.
Shard threw on clothes as quickly as possible. He had only minutes till his training session with April. He hadn't fought her in a while and she had a good technique, so he had to practice with her more. Though... even though it was the truth, that was just Shard's excuse. Even though he and April were nowhere near having the friend she used to be for him and he missed seeing her, he knew they could never be kids anymore. They hardly talked now as it was. He missed being her friend? Was that it? But there were no friendship in the Games. Was that why they grew apart? Who knew. Well, today he was going to spar with her and maybe they'd even talk. He'd let her know that he was volunteering this time. Yeah... it sounded like a good plan.

Shard jogged out to the dining area. He heard a few whistles and chuckles from some of the people in his dorm. One even said, "look who showed up!" But he waved them off. Shard grabbed only a portion of one of the steaming loaves and left. The tips of his ears turned red when he thought he heard someone wonder aloud if he was going to visit a girl.

Training. I'm strictly training, you twerp. He thought back in his mind. Even though it was useless.
Shard hustled through the Career schooling grounds knowing full well gobbling down the loaf was a bad idea. April was a worthy opponent. She'd keep him on his toes for a little while and the only food he'd had in over twelve hours would surely cause his side to ache.

Arriving at one of the training facilities, Shard answered smoothly. "Hope I'm on time." He said it cooly. He tried not to think about how attractive Arpril had become... or how she was capable of wielding that sword like a boss when he walked it. "Is that what you'd like to fight with then, sword match? Or a different weapon? I'm okay with whichever."

April looked up with a start mid-stab as the sound of a familiar voice pulled her from her practice. A grin spread across her face at the arrival of Shard, and it was only then that the fifteen year old realized how long it really had been since they’d done anything together. Had he always been that good-looking? Of course April had noticed his looks before, but it seemed like he got better looking every time she saw him and – why was she even thinking that in the first place, darn it? April shook her head slightly, forcing the thoughts from her mind and, still grinning, waved at Shard in greeting. “Hiii, Shard~!” The weirdness that had been growing between them wasn’t going to make April change her usual, bubbly attitude. If anything, she felt even more determined to act as if everything was fine, and nothing had changed at all even though she was oddly disappointed that he didn’t sound very happy to see her. It was easier and besides, the weirdness was probably all just in her head. Nerves about the reaping, like she’d already told herself. Never mind the fact that it had been going on for a while and she saw Shard far less often that she used to; details.

“You might be a little late, but I’ll let it slide this time. Gave me more time to warm up, so I hope you’re ready.” April wiggled her eyebrows, a sideways grin on her face revealing that she was kidding – about him being late. She fully intended to give him a good fight. That was what they were here for, after all.

And speaking of fighting… “If you’re sure you don’t care, I’ve been itching for a good sword fight.” It was hard to find an opponent eager to use swords, since they were considerably dangerous to train with. Even though the edges were always dulled, they were still very dangerous weapons, and a spar with swords could quickly lead to injury. Even though in training the opponents wouldn’t be aiming to kill, they couldn’t exactly go easy on one another, and accidents happened all the time. April had given and received her fair share of cuts and bruises, and she knew some people who’d even had bones broken before. It was great training as far as the blonde was concerned; it was really the only way to get real experience before the games, not to mention the adrenaline rush was awesome. That was half the reason she loved being a Career so much – when April was fighting, she felt alive. She transformed from a somewhat ditzy blonde with barely passable grades to a fierce warrior who could hold her own even against older opponents.

Fortunately for April, she knew for a fact that Shard was no wimp who would turn down a sword fight. That was one of the reasons she liked him so much – er, as a sparring partner and fellow career, obviously. Right, April needed to start stabbing things, like, now. She squared her shoulders and stood with her feet shoulder-width apart, her sword held up in a ready position. She’d let Shard make the first move, since she wasn’t about to attack him before he was ready. It’d be a great tactic in the Games, of course, but April wasn’t in the Games quite yet, and where would the fun be if she didn't get a good fight? The thought of being in the games with Shard was enough to wipe the grin off her face and make April put all of her focus on the coming fight. “I’m ready when you are.” The words were innocent enough, but the smirk slowly forming on her determined face was enough to convey a different message: bring it on.

There was no denying… she looked really good. Well, in the ’stronger, more ready for the games, and more mature’ sort of way, of course. Hell, April even looked good with her cheeks all pink from wielding the sword and not-so picture perfect. Shard, on the other hand, couldn’t shake the feeling in his gut. He smiled warmly at her and did his best to relax. It was not until April talked, sounding her normal self, when Shard realized that seeing her again was entirely a good idea. He missed her company. “Heyy! How’ve you been, April?” Maybe it was the fact that April had a family and lived with them and Shard didn’t have one. Maybe he never saw her because he lived on the Careers grounds, with 3 other boys and two girls with little free-time. Or maybe… he never saw her because of the fact that they were just growing apart. But at any rate, he wanted to talk to her more. Shard had the chance now and he wasn’t going to blow it.

She waved away his lateness. Of course.
Stop. Don’t allow yourself to be nervous. You can’t afford to think like that. Around your friends too!

”Oh, thank you, it’s kind to wave off the… annoyance of being late. Though, in my defense, I just got of the training sleep schedule.” He winked briefly. Good, normal self again. ”Have you done that yet? – No matter. I should be ready in just a moment.” Pulling his right arm to his left shoulder, he began to stretch. Shard was unwilling to pull anything in his last month of training before the Games. …April didn’t even know about that did she? Why did everything have to be so difficult? Was she itching to be as close as they were when they were kids too? It was almost as if some unseen barrier had sprung up between the two.

Hearing April express interest in a sword fight made Shard perk. ”I figured as much as you were practicing with one. Though, I’m not complaining! I’ve wanted to try that for a while now too but my dorm-mates are skittish to try. You’re a fair match; it should at the least be interesting to try!” He smiled lightly, hopefully, this would be quite fun.


Shard finished stretching and he watched April move into a ready position. She mentioned she was ready whenever he was. Walking over to face April, he got into a familiar fighting stance as well. He studied her eyes. They gave away moves just as well as the actual moving sword. He wasn't sure if he caught on right, but he could almost tell, from the old April, her saying bring it on. Staring intently, he hoped to convey, oh, I will.

Interesting enough, she was awaiting his first move. He didn't expect that. Shard always knew April's fighting style to be more offensive, but he didn't waste his chance. He jabbed her right side, then doubling the speed, he shot at her left. To a normal opponent, it would be unguarded and since the left was the weaker side, by the time they pulled their arm to defend the blow, the parry wouldn't be strong enough. He sliced again, moving his feet. The sensation of fighting felt so good. It had almost been too long without an actual opponent opposed to those invigorating dummies.

A good chunk of the weirdness April had been feeling melted away when Shard returned her cheery greeting. So maybe he was happy to see her after all? April’s smile widened – because she was glad her friend still considered her a friend as well, obviously – and she answered him with a shrug. “I’ve been alright. Training…school…training…been to a few parties……and did I mention training?” She grinned – anyone who knew anything about April knew she spent a ton of time in training, but it was only someone like Shard who could truly appreciated just how much time and energy she put into it, and why she did it in the first place. “How about you? How’re things in the Career dormitories?” The career grounds had always been interesting to the blonde, whose father had decided she and Drew would be better off living at home than with other careers. She didn’t mind too much; she still got to see the other careers though some not as often as she would have liked to, and she could only imagine how tense the atmosphere in the dorms could be at times, what with all the kids vying for the same thing.

And then Shard was winking at her, and for some reason April’s stomach did a weird sort of flip-flop that she was quite unaccustomed to. Sure, April was used to spending time with cute boys, but they never made her feel nervous before, and April didn’t like the feeling. So she chose to ignore it, and instead rolled her eyes and chuckled at her friend’s reply. Yep, totally normal response. None of this ‘butterflies’ nonsense. She winced when he mentioned the training sleep schedule. “Ouch. I sure have. It’s rough, I’ll give you that, but if anyone can handle it you can.” April smiled warmly at her friend until she realized what she had just said, at which point her cheeks began to flush slightly. But surely that was just because of her warm ups.What was so weird about giving her friend a compliment? Nothing. Yep.

That didn’t stop April from immediately looking down at her feet, however, as Shard began to stretch. April took the time to compose herself, trying to get rid of all the weirdness she was feeling. That was rather difficult to do, however, when her gaze kept drifting towards the older boy as he stretched. After catching herself staring for, like, the third time, April busied herself with twirling her sword around until Shard was ready to fight. Now that was something April could handle, and she was pleased to hear he was up to a sword match. She held his gaze, smirking at what she was almost positive was his silent acceptance of her challenge. Never mind that he had gorgeous eyes. He was so going down.

She stood poised on the balls of her feet, ready to move at a moment’s notice. It was true that April preferred to be on the offensive; she like to be the one in control, the one on the attack. But that would just make this even better practice. Besides, April was overly confident she would be on the offensive soon enough.

Before she could reflect on that any further, however, Shard made his move. April easily brought her sword up to block his first strike. The second was a bit more difficult, but the attack was a move she had seen before, so April managed to sidestep the blow and swing her blade around to meet it. “You’re gonna have to try harder than that, Shard.” She teased as she blocked his third strike. Never mind the fact that she was slowly backing up. It was time to turn this fight around. Immediately after catching his blow, April sidestepped and struck at his left side with one of her own, followed by a strike at his opposite shoulder. Her effort to go from fighting offense to defense may have left her unguarded for a couple of moments, but she didn’t think he could get her too badly in the process. And what was life without a little risk?

Chuckling, Shard answered, "hmm, I'm pretty sure you left that one out." He cracked a smile, the feeling of talking to April again was so invigorating. "Pretty much the same as you, actually. Since the Games are just around the corner, we're training more than ever. And because school just started, the work load isn't too difficult and my dorm-mates and I are making it one of our last priorities." Shard finished shrugging. That's how it was every year so he was pretty used to it. April was as close as anyone to the Career-ing community so she knew it just as well as he did.

"It's just..." he began, but hesititated. He usually held back on saying things like it because it wasn't always the thing he portrayed on the outside. "It's just a little difficult right now. My roommate and I are still pretty close - I mean, we won't end up in the Games together, it's just everyone else isn't talking to each other. The meals are so quiet... a lot of people go home at this time. But then there's the few of us who don't have a home to go back to." Thankfully, that was easier to say than he thought it would be. Of any of the people that he knew that he wouldn't be timid to talk to about the fact that he was an orphan, it was April. It was funny - and sad - he was only now realizing how much she knew about him.

She had this way with doing things like changing the subject at just the right time so that it wouldn't get awkward or something of the likes. "Well, ya know me." He smirked his regular cocky side winning over. However, for some reason, he didn't want to be that guy that he convinced everyone else he was around her. "...Seriously though, thank you. But I'm sure you did fine too."

Not soon after, the fight had begun. April was a thinker when it came to battle. She thought about the possible strategies of the opponent and didn't do everything on instinct. At least, that is what Shard gathered. It was a very effective technique and Shard only hoped that he could pull it off when it counted. "I will, girlie. Only warming up to the blade." He winked again out of habit.

April was fast, that was for sure. And so, Shard was forced to step it up. Before he knew it, she had shifted the balance of power and he was now defending. He defended every blow. Once he was almost too late and it sent his arm rining. In an attempt to shake it off, he missed what may have been an opening. Narrowing his eyes, she relentlessly sent offensive blows. Directly from a block, as she was throwing another blow he did the same. Their swords collided, hard. The two hard hits resounded along the mediocre acoustics of the training facility. Shard made sure not to get distacted and he immediatly twisted his body to lash at her temporarily exposed side. He was so close to hitting her. The sharp edge near her side ran over in his head and it made his heart stop. He couldn't let her get hurt.

No. Don't think like that.
You're a Career.

And so, he continued, jumping backwards to cover his briefly exposed side. Rushing forwards once again, he smiled and said, "what else ya got, blondie?"

((Wow this is long. I don't even know where it all came from, but I think I wrote you a book. My apologies xD ))

Gosh, it was nice to be talking to Shard again. April had forgotten how well he just…got her. Or something like that. She was spared having to give it any more thought when he answered her question. The blonde nodded; yep, that sounded just like what she was doing. Training first, school second. Or in April’s case, it was training, then socializing, then school, assuming she had any time leftover. Whatever. Even when she did try April did horribly at most school related things, so at least now she had an excuse for doing poorly.

And then Shard spoke up again and April blinked, taken aback by his sudden change of tone. The perky grin slowly faded from her face as she listened to what he had to say; she knew all about the pre-Games tension. It was basically always there for Careers, but it got about a million times worse right before the reaping. And she couldn’t imagine being stuck all alone in the Career dormitories. Instinctively, she reached for his hand to give it a squeeze. April knew she was one of few people who ever got to see this sensitive, lonely side of the boy, and it was a fact she treasured. She wasn’t all that good at comforting words, so she hoped the small gesture would convey her feelings; she understood what he was going through, and she was here for him. After a couple of moments, she looked him in the eyes and spoke up softly. “Shard, you know you’re always welcome at my house, even if you just want to stop by for dinner.” She didn’t know how often he was allowed to leave, but surely one evening wouldn’t hurt! April cocked a grin and continued, “I know Drew would be thrilled to see you.” It was no secret that April’s little brother totally idolized Shard.

Just like that the tension was gone, and he was back to the usual cocky boy that April loved just as much as the sensitive one. Another eye roll was in order, until he did something completely unexpected: he thanked her. April was so surprised she managed to pull her gaze from her shoes right up to his eyes. “Oh. Yeah, well, I meant it!” No, her cheeks totally weren’t getting more pink, and if anyone said otherwise she would beat them to a pulp. And then it was her turn to go to the default cocky response. “Well, you know me.” She mimicked his response, cocky grin and all, then made to give him a playful shove on the shoulder.

Right, fighting. Fighting was normal. Fighting was simple. There were no stupid feelings in fighting. Just April and her weapon against an opponent. She was good, and she knew it. Simple as that.

Except it wasn’t. Not today, at least. There should really be some rule against winking. Honestly, Shard’s ability to make her stomach do that annoying flipping thing in the middle of a freaking sword fight had to be an unfair advantage. Lucky for April, she just channeled her annoyance at that stupid feeling into her next strike, a feeling of satisfaction spreading through her when she managed to take the offensive. Now that was more like it. Ha.

April swung her sword over and over again, but Shard blocked every blow. Not that she was surprised; this was what she’d expected, after all, and the blonde was thoroughly enjoying the fight. Especially when their swords collided with a satisfying clang that made her ears ring and her arm quiver. It was enough to slow her ever so slightly, and that was exactly when Shard took his opening. A split second too late, April saw the flash of his sword heading toward her unprotected side. She tried to twist her body out of the way, swinging her sword around as quickly as she could, but it was in vain and she knew it.

And then she felt it; the cold metal made contact with the skin on her side, making a slice from the top of her ribcage to a point slightly above her hip. For a long moment all April registered was the shock of actually getting hit. Her eyes widened, and then came the pain. Excruciating pain ran down her side, near her ribcage, and April inhaled sharply then let out a sharp cry. Her free hand went immediately to her left side, and she felt blood. April wasn’t sure how deep the wound was – hopefully it wasn’t too bad, what with the dulled swords, but - the pain. It was like her side was on fire. She barely made out Shard’s sentence, and it was only then that she remembered she was still in a fight.

Several emotions rushed through April at the same time. There was the pain, of course, right at the forefront. But close behind it was a feeling of shame and embarrassment, for actually getting hit in the first place. And deep, deep down, buried somewhere April refused to acknowledge at the moment: fear. Because if she had been in the Games right now, April could very well be about to get killed.

It was the fear that gave her the willpower to straighten up as best she could, one hand still on her wound, and keep facing Shard. April knew he was a true Career, a formidable opponent, and he wouldn’t give up the advantage he'd just given himself. No, he would keep going until she was “dead”. Of course, in these kinds of circumstances that would probably involve him forcing her backwards until she was cornered or he knocked her over and ended with his sword tip at her throat or something, but April wasn’t going to give up yet. She would push through the burning, stabbing pain in her side and go down swinging.

Shard was prodding on dangerous territory. He knew it, and he sensed April knew it too. He kept allowing his pent up emotions to come out - just with the presence of April being there. He wasn't supposed to be like that. Shard, every Career, they had to be a wall. Stoic. Not letting the little things get to them. Their past, their presence... petty things like falling for someone he wasn't supposed to. No. He wasn't falling for her. He just missed his friend a lot and was thinking too much of it. She kept looking at him, they both craved each others presence. That was the thing that hurt the most. The fact that he missed April and she was only two feet away from him.

As soon as Shard felt the girl's soft hands in his for a moment and felt the slight, caring pressure, he smiled and tried to hide the fact that a chill of nerves spread throughout his body. He had been with many girls before and he quickly got over the chills and was able to suppress the red that liked to tinge his cheeks, but with his friend, he felt like a child again, inexperienced and starting over. Just before he was about to leave too... it was too late to turn back at any rate. Now he knew for certain that he was going to win.

"Thank you, it's very kind - and I'd love to catch up with Drew too!" He smiled, Shard didn't deserve a friend as good as April.

As his friend mimicked him and pushed his shoulder, he sways and pushed hers right back, letting out a laugh. It sounded weird. It was the first time he had laughed in a while... but he liked it.

The air was filled with the sound of metal upon metal - like the room was supposed to sound. It didn't know laughter and it scarcely knew tears. This room was as emotionless as fighting was supposed to be. And yet, Shard felt like he was defying so many of the unspoken rules this day. He was fighting as normal and he'd been thrown into the trance where he didn't expect anything out of the normal. His mind blotted out the majority of sense and sound and it was just he and the blade. He simply expected her to block every blow and he anticipated her sword coming back. It took him by such surprise when he acted on impulse when he saw an opening. He expected her to block it at the last minute, but no, it hit her flesh. Shard could only drop his jaw - dumbfounded - before anything sunk in.

Shard was so torn. Instinct and adrenaline still trumped everything and he drew his sword back for a hard, swing - a swing that would kill. And then she let out a small cry from the pain and ice crashed into Shard like the blade had hit him instead. Before he could stop himself, the sword was falling at his feet and he was calling out to her. "April! I'm so sorry, oh my god, are you okay?"

W.
T.
F.

Shard was a frickin' Career. He was NEVER. EVER. supposed to say anything that h just said. Don't grow attached to people, don't hesitate on a swing, and don't think about the death at your hands. The words of training flash through his head. And then... and then April was swinging again. Shard registered in the back of his mind the he was about to be hit full right on his hip and he was completely defenceless. In a moment of sheer, unfiltered, panic, he jumped up and out of the way, but the sword sliced through the front of his leg like it was butter. Like a knife cut, he felt nothing at first and the thoughts worked like gadgets in his head to piece everything together.

Then... then came the stinging. Shard felt blood dripping down his leg, making his pants stick to his thigh. Then before the worst bit of pain, Shard recognized that this moment could happen in the Games... he'd be a dead man. The pain made him clench his fists and moan in agony. "I... I can't believe I just said that. I can't believe I just said that! I... I freaking dropped my sword! The Games - The reaping! It's all so close! I feel like I've trained for nothing!" He averted the pain and misery he was feeling into anger. Anger was better than raw sadness. That could damage someone more than anything else.

And then he saw April again, really saw her. In all her beauty. Blood soaked her side. "Come on." Shard put his weight on his undamaged leg and managed to stand up. He took a step forward and a cry of pain escaped his lips. The world turned fuzzy, but he offered his hand to his friend. [color=skyblue]"I think we're done fighting, yeah? Let's get to the infirmary. If they still have that really good syrum, be could use it before we bleed too much or this get any worse.


Shard began to walk towards the door. April had cut the muscle of his leg and in order not to express his pain any more, Shard bit his lip, hard. It started bleeding. And then he realized he was still holding Aprils hand, and squeezing it really hard. He eased up and let go, "sorry." Maybe it was good though, that was something to focus on other than the pain in her leg.

Despite the effort she was putting in to standing up straight and defending herself from further attack, April was probably the least intimidating thing Shard had ever seen. But even though she knew her next strike would be in vain, and that Shard would likely swat her sword away without a second thought, she had to try it anyways. Because April Adams did not give up, especially not if she were in the games and her life was on the line. And she knew for a fact that Shard wouldn’t let her off so easily.

Or at least, she thought she did. Until he did the last thing she expected. Honestly, April would have been less surprised if he’d gotten caught up in the moment and actually killed her then and there as opposed to what he actually did. Which was to drop his sword. Shard. Dropped his sword. And he – did he just apologize? Was this the pain? Making her mind all fuzzy? For a moment, all thoughts flew from April’s mind, and all she could register was shock. And it was in that moment that she forgot about the sword she’d been aiming in defense, and it continued, unblocked by Shard’s, to cut the boy in the leg.

More shock. And then pain. It was a different kind of pain than the cut in her side, but it hurt just as badly. Because she had hurt Shard. This time it was April’s sword that clattered to the ground. Suddenly, it was too much effort to remain standing, and she sank to the ground, allowing her hands to go to her side, to stop the blood, before she turned her gaze back to her friend, trying to figure out what to say, trying to hide the horror that she shouldn’t even be feeling because, well, he’d dropped his weapon! What had he been thinking? And why the hell did April feel so terrible watching the blood drip down his leg?

“Shard! I-Ohmygosh. I’m so sorry – I-I thought you – I mean, your sword – why’d you…” She trailed off, unable to form a coherent sentence what with all the thoughts running through her head. And before she could even begin to sort them out, Shard was talking again.

April inhaled sharply. Apparently, he didn’t know why he’d done that either. A strange feeling tugged at the back of April’s mind, but she forced it back. There were more important matters to deal with at the moment. The Games? The Reaping? What did they have to do with – oh. Oh. No. No. No no no no no. The fear and understanding were crystal clear on April’s face, and all she could do was stare at her friend in shock. “Shard…” Her voice was shaking, the hesitation perfectly clear. Because as much as April knew she needed to ask this question, there was a part of her, larger than she’d like to admit, that didn’t want to know the answer. She took a deep breath, braced herself, and continued, “What do you mean…What’s close?”

And then he was looking at her again, in a weird way that made the blonde’s stomach do that stupid flippy thing again. Though that could very easily just be the pain in her side making her mind do funny things. Yeah, she’d go with that. Whatever the reason, it was enough to remind her that, hey! they were both injured and bleeding pretty badly. Sure enough, no sooner had that thought crossed her mind than did Sharp let out a cry of pain that made April cringe – which, in turn, caused her to wince as a fresh jolt of pain ran down her side. She gritted her teeth and took Shard’s hand. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.” April nodded feebly in response to his suggestion and pulled herself off the ground. Once she was on her feet, she slowly began to follow her friend out the door. There were so many thoughts running through her brain, mingled with the constant pain in her side, that she didn’t even notice how tightly he was holding her hand until he tried to let go. Before he could do so, however, April’s hand tightened around his. Maybe it was because she was hurt and wasn’t thinking straight. Maybe it was what he’d said earlier, and what April was worried it may imply. But for whatever reason, before she could even stop herself, the blonde blurted out, “No, don’t.” As soon as she said it, April wished she could take it back. She wasn’t even sure why she’d said it in the first place, she just knew that she didn’t want Shard to let go of her. It was…a show of solidarity! Yeah, ‘cause they were injured together and they’d get healed together or…something. And that didn’t even sound good in April’s head, so she directed her gaze at the floor and continued to follow her friend in silence, not even trying to make an excuse for her outburst because, well, she didn’t have one.

In the back of Shard's mind - amidst the panic - Shard recognized that April looked just as shocked with him as he was. Then came the pain. It blurred the lines of comprehension in his mind, but he still made himself focus on April's words in the fray of the haze of his mind. She was apologizing. April... April was apologizing? No, she had to be doing it because he did, of course! At least she had a bit of sense in her? What was making them both so nonsensical for a Career?

Shard ran his hands through his hair, pulling his head back. He tugged on his head, sending pain through his head to counter the pain in his leg. Then he realized what he had said. More importantly, what April had picked up on. "Oh." His face fell. How could something he had been so sure of days before seem so distant now? Because of this one girl. Because of this one amazing friend that he had so foolishly let slip away. It was that moment when he realized how scared he was. He was scared of the emotions he was feeling. He was afraid of what he said an did. Nothing that had ever happened before - he apologized, he dropped his sword... but he couldn't kill her! That's what instinct wanted him to do.

"I'm... I'm volunteering for the next Games. I've been planning on it for a few months now. I can feel it's time - I've had this feeling in my gut. You'll feel it when it's your time too. Though, what I just did, I'm not even sure anymore!" His face fell and a crash of everything that had just enfolded hit him hard. [color=skyblue]"April, I'm sorry. I wouldn't told you sooner! I just... I just never had the chance."[color] Shard watched the blood fill his pants and he looked over at April's injury. How did any of it happen?

As soon as Shard let go of her hand, he wished it was in his again. He missed the warmth of it. For some reason, it seemed to make the pain more tolerable. But then, he saw look on her face. Those two simple words she said hurt him more than anything else. He saw how much it pained her and it pained him too. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, April. But it's too late." Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around her and their awkward limp walk thing to the infirmary seemed to turn into unison, like they were one person. Shard blinked, confused, when he had the urge to kiss the top of her head. "Thanks for caring. Thanks for being the only one who seems to think I matter. But don't worry. I'll come back for you. Er.. I mean, I'll win - and come back..." God, what is wrong with me! He called to himself.

All April could do was stare up at her best friend, waiting. Waiting for him to tell her that she was being silly, getting herself all worked up over nothing; that what he’d just said didn’t mean anything, and she was jumping to conclusions; and, most of all, that everything was going to be okay.

But that wasn’t what happened. Instead he said six words that sent her whole world crashing down around her. ‘I’m volunteering for the next Games.’ April inhaled sharply; everything Shard said next fell on deaf ears, as she tried to process those six words. Those six terrible, horrible, awful, words. For a moment she continued to stare up at Shard, as if trying to memorize every single feature of his face. The face she had seen far too little of lately, and now, right after she’d realized how much she missed him, he was leaving her, possibly forever. She shook her head, unable to believe what he was saying.

“No. No, Shard, what…” Her voice broke, and it was in that moment that April knew she needed to pull herself together. She would not, could not allow herself to cry. As she pulled herself off the ground, April blinked back her tears and took a deep breath, then brought her gaze up to meet Shard’s eyes. “Shard…” She began softly, careful to keep her voice steady. “-don’t apologize. You – you don’t owe me anything.” That was more painful to say than she’d expected it to be, but it was true. If anything, it was April’s own fault that he hadn’t told her until now – when had she spent enough time with him lately to even give him the chance to? But now that they were here, together again, April wasn’t about to let him down a second time. She was going to stay strong for him, give him the encouragement and support he needed and deserved. “It’s okay, Shard. You’re going to be brilliant. You can win it, I know you can.”

April stopped, unsure if she would be able to continue speaking without giving in to the tears that had been threatening to fall ever since the very idea of Shard volunteering had entered her head. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around her best friend and never, ever let him go. But she couldn’t. It would be too painful. He was going into the Games, and there was nothing April could do to stop him. And she didn’t even want to consider what could happen if her own name was called at the reaping, so she chose not to. Not right now, anyways; she was dealing with far too many different kinds of pain all at once to allow herself to consider another.

Instead, she forced herself to focus on taking one step at a time, trying to cope with the pain in her side and hide her embarrassment about her little outburst when he’d let go of her hand. It was too late. The words rang through her head over and over again, and she didn’t see Shard moving closer to her until his arm was around her. She looked up in surprise, her own arm instinctively wrapping itself around her friend, pulling him closer to her. Suddenly, every step she took was easier. Her side still hurt like crazy, but Shard was here beside her. She was supporting him, and he was supporting her.

She continued to focus on walking to the infirmary, enjoying her closeness with Shard and ignoring the confusing feelings running through her mind. And then Shard spoke again, bringing her pain back to the forefront of her mind. April knew Shard was alone, had no family. But she refused to think that she was the only person who cared for him. At the very least he had the support of the entire Adams family. And – what was that about coming back…for her? She stopped walking for a moment, tilting her head to look Shard in the eyes. “Shard Waite. You do matter. You matter to me, you matter to my whole family, and you matter to lots of other people.” Her voice was stern, almost chiding, but it quickly turned softer, more emotional, as she continued, “I’m…I’m going to miss you. You have to win Shard, or-or I’ll kill you.” April attempted a weak smile, but her heart simply wasn’t in the joke and it was obvious, and suddenly she was all too aware of how close they were standing, and how handsome he was even though he’d been fighting and was injured, and…how she was going to lose him. And then she couldn’t stop the tears any longer, and the girl who hadn’t even cried upon being sliced by a sword found tears falling down her cheeks as she directed her gaze back to the ground.